


Small Gestures

by celeste9



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Father-Son Relationship, Fatherhood, Gen, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Teen Angst, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 05:14:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14969855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celeste9/pseuds/celeste9
Summary: When Poe has his first heartbreak, Kes tries to help.





	Small Gestures

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Father's Day prompt: Kes Dameron, Being a father is different than fighting the Empire
> 
> It came to my attention that in Legends Luke had a thing for hot chocolate so that’s my basis for it existing in the SW universe, lol.

It took two days of Poe moping around the house and skipping dinner before Kes sat him down at the table and said, “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong? Because I thought we were past the moody teenager phase.”

Kes suppressed a shudder. That was a bad phase. Shara owed him for making him do that on his own.

“Nothing,” Poe mumbled, averting his eyes.

Kes arched an eyebrow. “Nothing?”

“‘m fine.”

“Uh huh.”

Poe shrugged.

Sighing, Kes said, “Come on, Poe. Just tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Pretty sure you don’t want to hear about it.”

“I’m asking, aren’t I?”

“Okay, fine,” Poe said, finally making eye contact, that stubborn, ‘I dare you’ expression settling on his face. “You really want to know? You want to hear about how Cal and I went up to the temple and fucked, and now he won’t talk to me anymore?”

Kes blinked. “Okay. Well, sure, it’s not my ideal of a conversation starter but haven’t I always made it clear you could talk to me about anything? Even if it’s uncomfortable.”

Some of the fight went out of Poe’s face and he slumped down. “I don’t know what you think me telling you about it is gonna help.”

“This is probably shocking but I used to be a teenager. I’d like to think it’s given me some perspective.” Kes made sure Poe was meeting his eyes. “And it might help just to talk.”

It wasn’t anywhere close to a sure thing that Poe would take him up on the offer. Kes knew he was luckier than some in that Poe seemed to genuinely like keeping Kes involved in his life, but he was still a teenager with his secrets, his own problems he didn’t want his father involved in.

So it felt like a win when Poe started talking.

“I…” Poe gnawed at his lip. “I thought maybe I loved him? But I guess… I guess he didn’t think so.”

Cal. It wasn’t as though this all came as a total surprise; Poe had never actually used the term ‘boyfriend’ but he had been running around with Cal for months. Vendaran, nice boy. Kes had liked him.

He liked him less now.

“Did you have a fight?” Kes ventured, an attempt to prod Poe into elaborating.

“He won’t even look at me,” Poe said miserably. “I thought we were fine, I thought… I thought it was… Do you think I did something? I must have done something wrong, only he won’t tell me, so how am I supposed to fix it?” 

Kes remembered once, years ago, not long after they had settled on Yavin 4, Poe shouting and causing a ruckus until Kes and Shara had been at their wits’ end trying to settle him down. Eventually he had worn himself out and fallen asleep on Kes; they went frozen still and silent for ages, terrified of disturbing him.

Finally they had dared to put him to bed. Beneath the covers he just looked small and harmless, his sweet face beneath his mess of curly hair, so that it seemed impossible he could be the same boy as that raging little monster.

In their bedroom, Kes and Shara had collapsed together and Shara said, “My dad says the acting out is for attention. We were gone so much, he’s testing his boundaries, seeing what we’ll do, seeing if we’ll leave. Seeing if he’s important enough for us not to. We left him so long. He hardly knows us.”

Kes still remembered the raw pain in Shara’s voice, even as her words were so level and steady, and he remembered the ache it had instilled in his chest. “It’s not like fighting the Empire,” he’d said. “Parenting. It’s harder.”

Shara had squeezed his hand. He wished she were here to do that now.

It had always seemed easier with Shara.

“Sometimes,” Kes said, “it doesn’t matter what we do. It isn’t anything we did. Sometimes people just want different things.”

“But I thought he wanted  _ me, _ ” Poe said, his voice a little thick, “like I wanted him. So what was wrong with me?”

“Nothing,” Kes said, reaching out to touch Poe’s hand. “Nothing, and you didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes people aren’t who we think they are.”

“I thought he really…” Poe blinked rapidly and sniffled, rubbing his wrist across his nose, looking away like he was embarrassed Kes might notice he was close to tears, like he wanted to hide it. 

That old ache was growing in his chest, fortified with sadness that Poe should feel so hurt, that there wasn’t anything Kes could do to stop this from happening, to stop Poe from feeling like this. He was growing up, and everyone had their heart broken sooner or later. Kes couldn’t protect him from that, no matter how much he might have wanted to.

Kes hated that there was nothing he could do about it, and that he didn’t know how to help ease Poe’s pain. Parenting wasn’t like fighting the Empire, and it was so much more difficult on his own.

He wondered what Shara would have said.

Kes stood up and went around the table, pulling a chair around so he could reseat himself beside Poe. He said, “It’s okay to feel sad, Poe, or angry, and I hate that this happened to you. Honestly I’d kind of like to punch him in the nose but I guess that’d be frowned upon.”

Poe’s startled, amused huff of breath was relieving.

Kes continued, “I can’t change what happened, and I can’t take away your pain. All I can tell you is that sometimes life hurts, and sometimes people don’t want what we want, and sometimes they’re dicks. I think… I think your mother would tell you that it’s important to keep moving forward, and to not let the bad things that have happened to stop you from embracing your future. If you want to cry, then cry, or if you want to shout, then shout. Your emotions are part of you, and all the bad stuff that happens is part of you, too. Just don’t let it drown out the good, or stop you from looking for your next Cal. This one wasn’t right for you, but if you let that close you off, then you’ll never find whoever it is that is right. Your… your Shara. Like your mother was for me.”

Poe was looking down at his knees, and he sniffed again. He said, “Mom always said to look ahead, and leave my heart open. I didn’t really understand what she meant. But that’s what you mean, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Kes said, smiling a little. Maybe he knew what Shara would say after all. “She always put it better. I’m sorry you’re unhappy, and I understand why you are. Be unhappy for as long as you need to be, but if you let it stop you from living your life then the only one who suffers is you. I don’t want that for you, and your mother wouldn’t, either.”

He reached out, settling his hand on Poe’s shoulder, and Poe leaned into him a little. 

“I feel so stupid,” Poe said quietly. “Like I should have known, should’ve known it didn’t mean anything, or like… like maybe I was just bad?” His cheeks were flushing and he bit his lip, eyes still focused downward.

Kes got up so he could wrap his arms around Poe. He knew Poe was older, now, and he couldn’t fix things with a hug and a mug of hot chocolate like he used to when Poe was small, when Poe would dry his tears on Kes’ shirt, but the urge to offer physical comfort was too much for him to resist. Poe didn’t pull away, just sat there and let Kes hold him.

“You don’t deserve that,” Kes said, “and Cal doesn’t deserve that much credit. He treated you badly, and that reflects on him, not you. Okay?”

“Okay,” Poe said, though Kes didn’t know if he actually believed it.

Making himself draw back, Kes said, “Hey, why don’t you take out the A-wing? I won’t even warn you not to pull stunts, or not to fly too fast. And when you get back, if you want, I’ll make you hot chocolate.”

It was a silly offer. Poe wasn’t small anymore, easily contented by small gestures, by hot chocolate and hugs, by his father’s affection. Kes didn’t know what else to do.

He was honestly relieved just that Poe had opened up as much as he had.

And now Poe’s mouth was quirking, his gaze brightening from its gloom just a little. “No warnings?”

“No warnings.”

“Okay,” Poe said, standing up. “And… I’d really like the hot chocolate.”

Kes smiled at him. “I’ll have it ready.” 

“Thanks, Dad,” Poe said, surprising Kes by leaning in for another hug, tight, before he ran off out of the room, the front door slamming moments later.

Fatherhood was nothing like fighting the Empire but Kes was doing his best. 


End file.
